Silent Nights in the City of Angels

Warning

2010-03-27T17:52:00.000-07:00

don't take a girl you just started dating to see Greenberg.
She will wake up at 2:00 AM, dump you, then leave your apartment.

Ghost Ridin' the Whip

2010-03-21T23:40:00.000-07:00

Weekend.

worked till 10 pm on Friday.
took 2500 photos.
lost 5 pounds.
drove 200 miles.
went to a party in a castle where Emile Hirsch (the dude from Into the Wild) and porn stars 'Dane Cross' and 'Faye Reagen' were in attendance.
had cheesecake with someone I used to think was evil.
played with Stimpy.
took more photos.

I write people emails like this....

2010-03-05T11:31:00.000-08:00

Hey, thanks for responding. I'm not meaning to make assumptions about you. and I'm not trying to be abrasive. I'm trying to explain how others, or rather more specifically, I am interpreting your actions or in this case non-actions.

and its good for you to be aware of how others interpret you, even if you're not going to change, it makes you conscious of why some people may not respond well.

I'm not making things up about you, again I'm interpreting your actions.

I understand what you're saying and that it takes awhile for you to come around.
I guess on my end, I'm not one to constantly be persistent with someone with out any reciprocation.

You say you respond to persistence, but before you left on your trip you stopped responding to me for a couple weeks even when I was being persistent. So then I tried asking you what was up.
I guess I don't remember exactly what you said. I'm assuming you don't want to be in a relationship, don't want to form an attachment, etc. and just told me to "chill" or whatever
and thats fine. I understand.
I just liked you and wanted to spend time with you, without any sort of labels or assumptions. and I needed to know specifically what your feelings were.
So when you aren't responding to persistence, I guess I can just assume you're not interested.
but I don't like assuming. I just like straight forward answers.
and if I don't get those im in a constant state of emotional limbo and for closure and to move on I needed to hear from you.

yes i dont know much about you, but understand I'm just responding to what you put forward.

I feel like this spiraled way out from what it should be.
let me recap.

i guess i get confused really easily

1. we started hanging out and there was some sort of spark
2. we hung a few times and I think enjoyed each others company and you were responding to me etc in a normal fashion, talking on a daily basis, seeing each other 1 or 2 times a week.
3. the last time we hung out we spent a whole day together and i really liked it.
4. the next two weeks after that I carried on as usual and pursued seeing you again.
5. you stopped responding to me in a normal fashion and I assumed something was up because you didn't show any interest to see me before you left.
6. since i couldn't get a response from you perhaps I was too persistent and you responded in a negative fashion, telling me to "chill" and that nothing was wrong.
7. this is when I just wanted a straight forward answer about if you were interested in still hanging out, just a yes or no.
8. I dont think I got a straight answer, just that you act this way with everyone. but also that you don't want a relationship, I hope I conveyed that that wasn't what i was after, jsut for things to continue as they were.
9. I left you alone for nearly a month. figuring you would keep in touch if in some manner.
10. and now this, where apparently i've bothered you enough because of my confusion and perception of ambiguity on your part, that you aren't interested in a friendship any longer. I guess I didn't get the difference between you not being interested at all or you waiting for me to be persistent.
11. this gap is now probably irreparable based on our limited history with each other. though I would be willing to try if you would be too because I truly did enjoy you.

sooo does this all seem accurate? please fill in any gaps if you feel there are any or give your version, because this is just how ive interpreted things

i shall mail you your necklace sometime soon.
later hot potater,

Onur

...Because I am Insane.

anti-social

2010-02-18T19:29:00.000-08:00

I actually want to stay in tonight. water my plants. edit photos. and start my taxes.

who the fuck am I?

This is.

2010-01-30T17:40:00.000-08:00

Her. I don't know if she likes me though.
she's young.
and without roots yet.
and I tend to scare those types of women.
Or perhaps have perpetually bad timing.
So for now I suppose I'll just play it cool.
Even though that's always difficult.
I have a tendency to want to jump into regularity.

A lot of these turned out cool.

Work taking over life

2010-01-25T19:46:00.000-08:00

I can feel it slowly creeping in... an extra 15 minutes at a time.
I will resist.
I don't care about work that much. and its not worth a couple hundred extra dollars.
Been working lots of overtime.
but keeping up with everything else in the mean time.
I met a girl
named Juliet. so far I like her.

this is not her.

At work on a Saturday night...

2010-01-09T18:20:00.000-08:00

Pretty Amazing.

carwash cunt

2010-01-01T13:17:00.001-08:00

Mysterious cast signings from New Years Eve.

its been that kind of year.

2010-01-01T01:14:00.000-08:00

i feel like the past year hasn't been one on my best.
but. who knows. right?
As far as my job. its ok. as far as my hobbies. its been really amazing.
I guess I'm just not happy with the relationships i've had, with both friends, family, and I suppose romantically. but I'm spoiled still. because people I love have been through a lot worse. through things I don't know if I could handle.
but still, I miss the people in my life who i really care about.
My family is half a world away.
but they're still only half a world away.
my best friends live across the country, but I still have best friends.
and the women i fall for seem to fall the other way, but at least for a bit I get the illusion they might be tilting this way.

New years was fun, but new years was shitty. It's been a good week out here in the midwest seeing everyone I've been missing so much. but its also reminded me of what really makes me happy. and that doesnt seem to be whats waiting for me when I go back.
I've almost cried more than a few times while laying in makeshift beds this week. and tonight i really did break down.
new years can do that to you I suppose. Seeing everyone embracing while that cheesy music plays. Me, just trying to fade into the corner of a booth. sipping my vodka soda. reveling in the fact that I don't have that person. To look into their eyes and really say. Happy New Year.
Its been a year of lost motivation. Of unexplainable drive. of experiences. good and bad.
of emotions I haven't felt in a long time.
I got to spend time with someone here that I really liked. and really enjoyed being around. and maybe fell for. perhaps partly because of the getting caught up in a bit of fantasy that I haven't gotten to experience in a good while.
and maybe because I've been in that wrong state mind I rushed some things a bit, as far as what I said or did. probably put myself out there a bit too quickly.
I get mushy easily. I used to never be that way. but at this point I've got no patience.
either way. I blew it.
as usual, right?

its always the opposite of what you imagine. at this point though I guess I'm old enough to realize I blew it, and leave it be. and if it turns around, it turns around.
tonight I'm sleeping. hopefully. on an old love seat. feet hanging off the edge. but ego hanging a bit lower.
my lips are chapped.
and the winds are strong and cold.

but then again.
Its a New Year.

What went wrong.

2009-12-19T03:08:00.000-08:00

Who knows right?
Seemed like the evening was going well.
perhaps the sense of all my eggs in the basket is too obvious and off putting. especially to those younger at heart.
I was lost but not fooled.
for too long.
Is it too much to want someone to say they're the only one, who thinks I'm the only one.

but again. Maybe I wouldn't be happy with that.
but at this point feeling someone close and sharing a breath feels like the world to me.
then the cold excuse of sleep rears its head along with the subtle signs of the evening coming to an end.
so I'll see you tomorrow maybe. i wont be so tired. I should sleep. give me a hug. goodnight. thank you. i had fun.

not so subtle.

I've never taken Thank You as more of an insult. though I've been around the block.
I feel people should be blunt.
I'm not afraid
nor offended
of honesty.

here's my take.
I fall in love with a pretty face at a moments notice.

Can i fall asleep next to you?
Will you hold me?
Pretend like you need me.

cause I need you.
at least.
tonight.

Weekend in Vegas and Ghosts from the Summer

2009-12-14T19:48:00.000-08:00

So the weekend in Vegas was quite the trip. Late nights where you actually start to gamble after you go out to the clubs.
Cut my teeth on some actual real life poker... and I only lost 100 bucks! I was up 5o to 100 dollars most of the time.
Friday didn't even leave the MGM.. food, gambling, alcohol, bars, clubs. all under one roof.
Saturday we ate breakfast at a place actually called Terrible's. and surprisingly it was only mildly terrible.
Saturday night was officially strip club night. Rick's Cabaret? Classy joint.
Guy friend disappeared upstairs till 730 in the morning.... i left at 3.
4 sets of boobs in the face and I was already passed my tally for the last year.

So the wild monster from the summer decided to contact me after 2 months of no communication.
Hey! whats up?
so casual. which isn't too surprising. I mean why would she still be upset?

She only did everything I ever suggested doing with her with someone else the day before and lied about it. Someone seemingly one uping me at every opportunity... this same person still dating her even though she always just gave me the bullshit, I'm not ready for a boyfriend at this point schpeal.

Then after me trying to cool things off and cut out the physical aspect of our relationship, calling me boring and insisting it persist.

...being confronted with it is a bit of a slap in the face I suppose.
I'm sure her motivations for contacting me weren't purely selfish. Not like she's trying to rid herself of some level of guilt by seeking a bit of forgiveness she can only get from me.

I admit I'm still pining over her for no reason, that I still get sick to my stomach when reminded of her, surely giving her a bit of satisfaction.
I'm only being honest even though it portrays me as some sort of fool who's fallen into a wonderfully deep well of despair.
As much as I'd like to rub her face in some newly found love who I'm completely happy with... thats simply not in the card these days.
I'm left dateless since the last time she raped me and not afraid to admit it.

Did I really like her?
she sort of smelled, worked retail, neglected me, lied to me, disappointed me at nearly every turn, and then walked away after finally admitting it all.
But I suppose perhaps thats what sucked me in.
Because otherwise, I simply would have been bored.

December Rains

2009-12-09T21:26:00.000-08:00

Hard in LA this week.
keeping busy here counting days till christmas shut down.
going to vegas this weekend with two guys from work.
one 45 and single. one 30 and married.

self

2009-12-05T15:22:00.000-08:00

messing with some lighting setups...
conclusions; beauty dish and umbrella give similar difuse soft lighting. next time.
spot lights.

Tired of certain issues

2009-11-26T08:31:00.000-08:00

I can't seem to rid myself of that damn girl. Not that I've seen or talked to her in 2 months.
but I keep thinking about her. is it because I was that into this girl? or is it because I was simply wronged?
I think I was into her a lot more than I realized at first.
She was a girl who could take all my frenzied anal shit and then simply calm me down with a look or a few words. it's a rare characteristic.
I'm being dramatic I suppose.

I'm sick of my hair. I'm shaving it. I think i'm into utilitarianism. minimalism. manism.
starkism. fucking hardcoreism. fucking im angry and I'm not afraid to beat some ass-ism.
the age of the frufru man is coming to an end. vanity no more. at least in my mind.

I'm sick of polaroids. I'm sick of blown out photos. I'm sick of sun flairs. I'm sick of desaturation.
I'm sick of trends.

But how to avoid all these pitfalls...

Isolated in a City of Millions

2009-11-22T11:56:00.000-08:00

It's a weird feeling to realize.
Is it impossible to make true friends after a certain age?

Photoshoot yesterday with a couple of nice girls. they went off to hollywood for a night on the town.
I go home to edit photos.

I did go to the racetrack earlier to watch some horses run. Good times. I failed to place any bets.
I'm saving my luck for vegas.

Neighbors had a party. I was invited.
Dreams of my apartment building becoming Melrose Place coming true.
good people overall. regular.
nothing too exciting.
mystery wines.
drinking games.
newly married couples and yuppies.

Thanksgiving approaches

2009-11-17T22:36:00.000-08:00

a trip to New Jersey looms.

should be exciting to get to the east. My friend Jess will be in town so I'll actually have someone to hang with. I've been trying to arrange a photoshoot, but so far no bike. lots of models.
models are easy.

why the fuck do i not know anyone in new york with a bicycle.
Lots of people rides bikes. I've seen it.
I might put a post on the website asking. we shall see.

Morning Light Awakens Me

2009-11-08T22:51:00.000-08:00

this girl is beautiful...

Therefore she has a boyfriend.
Is this a common a trend? I think so.

I'm considering joining one of those online dating sites.. but I really don't even have the motivation to fill out all those damn questions and post photos of myself. yikes.
facebook should just start a dating section.. all my shits already on there.
even though I make it a point to post only my most unflattering photos there.

Hope she's into fake mustaches and dick hugger suit pants.
cause thats my bag baby.

Drunk at 7 pm.

2009-11-06T19:50:00.000-08:00

is this what old people do?
go to happy hour right from the office and have three beers.
cop a mild buzz and then drive home to eat a microwave burrito in the company of an 18 pound cat?

the pixies will save my night.
also. this girl I shot told me she likes to give blowjobs in public places.

I may call her this evening.

that is all.

disappointed in disappointment

2009-10-26T20:05:00.000-07:00

Seriously.

I've been sort of blah lately. I thought it was me.
Then I started thinking about it, and realized that I'm actually blah because of the people in my life disappointing me.
So I've got to change my policy. I can no longer expect anything from anyone.

I mean, yes, of course there are a select few I love and care about who do not disappoint me.
and I have good friends.
It's more the acquaintances from everyday life that are the problem.
It's a selfish world out there I suppose. Especially with people our age. Cutthroat. Everyone thinking only of themselves.

A lot of models are flaky assholes. A lot of people talk a lot of talk but follow up with no action.

People need to follow words with actions, motivation with results.

Like me.
I'm a machine.
like man's best friend

This is Louie
He's a dog.

Solitude

2009-10-17T22:19:00.001-07:00

Birth. Day. Birff Day. Barf Day... Barf

2009-10-15T20:48:00.000-07:00

Another one is here... Hoorayy...
yea.

I spent most of the day sitting in the dark back room of my lab at work taking electrical resistivity measurements on flat pieces of astroquartz listening to the squeeky drone of the overhead chemical hood fans while shivering in the environmentally controlled 68 degree F and 12% relative humidity.
At least I'm employed.

Well besides that I've been lamenting my defeat at the hands of a most likely better looking, more successful, funnier, taller, skinnier, cooler, sexier, and larger penised male.

The wild animal referenced below, whom I thought I'd been dating for a few months apparently was dating someone else the entire time. gross.
It supposedly took her this long to decide which one of us she preferred.
With me of course ending up on the short end of the stick. Whats new?

I feel like its these experiences which have pushed me into the emotional black hole most women accuse me of residing in.

Everytime I go out on a limb and decided I may have feelings worth commiting to, the same shit seems to rain down.
Or perhaps I always see it coming and open up knowing that I'm safe cause it'll never come to fruition.... hmmm.

But yes, of course I saw it coming!
In three months, I never met any of her friends, never saw where she lived, was refused facebook friendship, never really went out unless it was local to my area even though she lived in west hollywood.
Obvious signs of being the "the other guy", the second fiddle, the opposite of her bottom bitch.

Even after she finally admitted it she wanted to stay friends. cause she really 'cared' about me and thought i was 'awesome' and that our timing was simply off. riiiight.
so what, if we met at a different time after you already found out this other guy is a douche, then you'd choose me? Yikes.
Worst excuse ever.

Well instead of dragging myself through the same mud over and over if we were to attempt friendship I simply cut it off. clean and simple. I don't need to deal with bullshit nor do I deserve it. I don't need to stay in constant limbo, never trusting someone I consider myself close to.

She can go fuck herself.
And the other dude who's timing was I guess exactly on. Well I'm sure she's already got that taken care of.

I was surprised at myself for staying so calm through that final conversation. I think because I knew eventually she'd regret whatever choice she made. and that made me feel warm and fuzzy. a bad thing?
Besides, I can use the extra time to take more pictures of hot chicks on bicycles...
but anyhow we've decided to cut all contact since she's so tempted to talk to me all the time. I told her to concentrate on doing this other guy and let me be.
No more AIM, BBM, phone, etc etc. deletion from memory, but hopefully not me from hers. Everlasting torment is probably wishful thinking, but a guy can hope hah.

My mom and sister are here visiting for the weekend... An invading army in my apartment, with giant duffle bags full of clutter as weapons. I've pushed the inner clean freak deep within, though I have a feeling he may emerge quite soon and wreak havoc in the next 4 days.

i have no idea what to be for halloween. need something new I think, something symbolic of my new found oldness. Mr. Rogers? too creepy. I think i want something to hide in. A big box. A camera. and I'll 'flash' people. Maybe I'll just wear a full body spandex suit and call it a night.

I threw myself a birthday party sorta. well tomorrow. a movie. 5th grade style, cept with booze instead of a batman cake. and Where the Wild Things Are instead of the Mighty Ducks.

Yea pretty lame, but I think the age of people surprising you or throwing big parties has come and gone. or just gone. too much hoopla for something that should be simple. A day to say hi to everyone you enjoy. or at least the ones in close proximity.

I always wanted a girlfriend on halloween. Dress up in ridiculous costumes. get all drunky and have hot costumey make out sessions. Its fun to escape reality every now and again.

Ehh, I'll give it another go next year I suppose.

This is my new best friend....

2009-10-07T19:58:00.001-07:00

Worried Walter the Frisky Fox

Best friends and Birthday Plans

2009-10-06T23:42:00.000-07:00

Had a wonderfully long weekend with my best friend from high school coming to visit me here in LA.
Going out 3 nights in a row is something I can officially is in my past.
Is 27 really that old. I suppose in 9 days it will be.
10 year highschool reunion coming up in May. Are you fucking kidding me?
eh. I guess it happens to everybody.

So Thursday Ben and I go out down here in Hermosa. Along with some chick he used to date in college who has since joined the leagues of wannabe actresses here in Hollywood.
A few bars, more than a few drinks, and I'm serenaded to the sounds copulation on my couch till 4:30 in the morning.
This girl really had some chops. serious chops. Doing it for a living chops.
Who am I to judge?
yea... I'm jealous.
Seriously I haven't had a proper make out session in months.
I blame it on keeping myself busy with all my hobbies. well new hobbies.
women used to be a hobby, but I suppose I may have moved past that stage of life.
Who am I kidding...I've just gotten lazy in my old age.

Friday we had another good friend come up from Huntington beach for a visit to the Hermosa farmer's market and a nice bike ride on the beach. I bought a finger puppet at the farmers market. A sad little fox I name Worried Walter. He becomes my new best friend.
The previously mentioned wild animal also attended and just made me sad. Its hard when someone you care about doesn't feel the same but then expects a friendship to be completely normal.
Ben saw her nipple. serves her right for wearing a low dress on a bike ride.
I'm now jealous of Ben twice in 12 hours.

That night we went out in Santa Monica with one of Ben's friends from Chicago. Good kid.
Serious girlfriend. Nice apartment. Cab ride to the bars. Drinks. Wondering.
Not impressed with the Santa Monica scene. too sterile and generic I think.
and not enough attractive women for me to not talk to.

Saturday morning I get my ass kicked at tennis and the we head to a sweet pool party in Burbank thanks to my good friend Em.
Always a good time, but today even more because of the Washoo's tournament we enter.
basically there's a small box with a coffee can in the middle. you throw washers at it. score points. face-off.
18 teams. we got 5th place! our prize was an amazing bag of coffee which I stored in the front pooch of my swim trunks for the rest of the night.
We headed to Hollywood that night to go out with our friend Olsen from highschool.
4 bars. saw some extremely attractive hollywood whores, a couple D-list celebs, and got free cigarettes from Camel reps while listening to the Piano man.
mmm Turkish Gold, so smooth.
My clothes smelled of smoke for the first time since college.

Sunday we faked surfing in Huntington beach with a friend of Ben's who lives in Hermosa.
He offered to get me in to the Playboy mansion halloween party.... for a cool $1000.
are you serious? for one night? just to not talk to extremely attractive playboy whores?
i mean we all love women in body paint but I think i'll take my $1000 and buy a new lens and a tripod or something.

speaking of which. I bought my new camera! a Canon 7D. I'm still working on it. need the new lens as I only have a 50mm prime.
so far it takes good photos. and I'm much more impressive when pretending to be a photographer.

the flickr page got 50,000 views in one day last week. theFiXFiXFiX seems to be on a roll thanks to bikesnobnyc.blogspot.
I always get a ton of views when he posts one of my photos.
I also got an email from Australia from some dude who wants to use some of my photos for a bicycle film festival. I'll post when it happens.

Need sleep. need to edit photos. need to clean.

A Fog Coming In

2009-09-27T12:06:00.000-07:00

Pretty hardcore marine layer this weekend.
A short weekend, but its been nice. Taking way too many photos I think.
and still waiting to order my new camera.
I don't know why I haven't pulled the trigger yet. I guess I don't know where to order the damn thing from. I mean.. I'll get it in my hands either way, but I want it now!
I spent a lot of money this weekend on things I've been meaning to buy for a while.
bike rack, hand pump, groceries, 50mm canon lens.

so this girl i was gonna take pictures of, turns out shes been couch surfing for two weeks after she came here from texas to live with her lesbian lover who then dumped her.
So after we shot i told her she could sleep on my couch. she's still here.
how do you like just leave home with nowhere to go?
fucked family I suppose. It's a shame people don't grow up with equal opportunities.
I guess I have to dump her off to some other couch this afternoon before I leave for another photo shoot thingy.

Taking pictures of wild animals has proved to be very frustrating.

So I've decided to start Updating my blog again.

2009-09-23T00:02:00.000-07:00

I think I'd like to make it a photography showcase / blog. sort of the non fixfixfix photography stuff.
can you post photos directly on here? or do you have to link it through flickr or photobucket or some shit.

the fixfixfix site is almost up actually. Justinline has been working feverishly for little compensation for the past couple weeks and I think we could definitely have something in the next week or so... maybe.
remember I'm an anal retentive perfectionist and have a hard time letting people see anything that isn't perfect. according to me.

anyway, its gonna be bomb. and hopefully i can make like 5 dollars from ad revenue.

ok so here's my first blog photo. this is Blake. she's cool.

for the record, ive never made out with any of the models.
lame huh?

Winter

2008-11-19T22:55:00.000-08:00

I'm growing my winter beard.. you know cause it gets so cold and windy in southern california.

its Been to Long

2008-10-12T21:14:00.000-07:00

Turkey and back. Cousin and back. No sleep and back.

Donut Burgers.... who's in? beef between two krispy kremes?

http://creativity-online.com/work/view?seed=349ffa2b

if you haven't already watched this... pleaase do. cause its hilarious. if you think stuff i think is hilarious, is hilarious.

One more

2008-07-23T19:40:00.001-07:00

just cause a lot more came off today

Weekly Thumb-date

2008-07-22T19:55:00.000-07:00

The Amazing re-growable thumb.
I've peeled away some of the dead nail exposing virgin skin to environment.
hopefully death will not ensue.

some nail seems to be sprouting from the base, though the left side is disturbingly barren. Something is growing inside me.
A nail.

Thumb Update

2008-07-09T20:06:00.000-07:00

It's slowly healing.
My fingernail is hanging on for now. I think the severed part at the bottom will slowly grow upward.
Hopefully.

I miss Kate.

2008-06-30T21:03:00.001-07:00

... a lot.

coconut juice is amazing

2008-06-29T21:19:00.000-07:00

Everyone go buy fresh young coconuts (the white kind that looks like its been shaped)
make a couple holes and drain the water from inside.

commence drinking.

so fucking good

2008-06-28T22:46:00.000-07:00

When I have nothing to do. and no where to go.
What happens then?
What if I have things I could do. but nothing I want to do.
What if I want to go for midnight ride through hills and valleys. but then reality weighs me down.
What if I realize my life isnt going where I'd want it to go. but for some reason I refuse to move.
What if I want to will people into my life. but it doesn't seem to be working.
What if I recognize all my faults. but I don't see the need for change.
What happens when I do see the need for change.
What if I want to shape the world to accommodate my every need.

Shit man.

I'm strumming my guitar but nothing new seems to be coming out. Stagnant. Am I not inspiring passion in other people. Is no one drawn to me. even in that creepy way?
Fuck am I that boring.
Just crossing off and chugging on.
I can't do those things on my own. I suppose I do need to be placed in the boiling pot.

You get to the end. but then you're not finished.

Fucking shit. What the hell do I do then??
I wanna fucking jump in the street and yell. and roll in the sand.
and get drunk. and talk to people.
remember when you used to sit in a room with a bunch of friends and it wasnt loud and obnoxious and fake?
remember when we used to explore because everyone was right there in the same place.
not solitary.
not removed from everyone that matters to you...
and you realize everyone that is around you has someone or something that matters more to them than you.

Bike Chain.. Caught rag... Mangled Thumb

2008-06-25T20:17:00.000-07:00

Death...
almost but not really.
My thumb is mangled. maybe permanently. I might have some weird googly nail and might not get feeling back in the tip.

repetitive motion injury

2008-06-20T21:49:00.000-07:00

Olsen, Benjamin says:
did you stay up in silverlake last night?
Olsen, Benjamin (Space Technology) says:
or did you come down after getting dumped
Armagan, Onur (Space Technology) says:
nah i stayed up there
Armagan, Onur (Space Technology) says:
got dumped via text message this morning
Olsen, Benjamin (Space Technology) says:
text message... that is so lame!
Armagan, Onur (Space Technology) says:
well when its the third time in a month
Armagan, Onur (Space Technology) says:
you gotta keep it fresh
Olsen, Benjamin (Space Technology) says:
hah, yeeaaah i guess
Armagan, Onur (Space Technology) says:
next time she'll send me a letter in the mail
Olsen, Benjamin (Space Technology) says:
LoLL
Armagan, Onur (Space Technology) says:
perhaps a telegraph
Olsen, Benjamin (Space Technology) says:
then a carrier pigeon
Olsen, Benjamin (Space Technology) says:
smoke signal
Olsen, Benjamin (Space Technology) says:
telepathic nightmare
Armagan, Onur (Space Technology) says:
sign language
Olsen, Benjamin (Space Technology) says:
semaphore
Armagan, Onur (Space Technology) says:
or a subliminal art piece
Olsen, Benjamin (Space Technology) says:
I wish i could get dumped via semaphore
Armagan, Onur (Space Technology) says:
what the hell is a semaphore
Olsen, Benjamin (Space Technology) says:
it's a sorta naval flag signalling system
Olsen, Benjamin (Space Technology) says:
to communicate between ships before radio and whatnot

a week of Music

2008-06-12T20:10:00.000-07:00

whoaaa, the Easy Marks and Beck in the same week!? shiitt

I got tickets for Beck's secret show tomorrow night. should be pretty amazing.

saw Alex's brothers band.. 6 dudes from illinois in a shitty old white van. haha
there were only like 10 people at the show but what are you gonna do. It was there first show in big bad LA!

I just got....

2008-05-25T13:17:00.000-07:00

dumped.
this fuckin sucks.
I miss it. but i have to accept it.

If i think about it, i suppose it would have never worked super long term anyway.
ugh. I'll live.....

back to sorrow.

Oh how sweet it is. Roomies visit California...

2008-05-23T20:27:00.000-07:00

Leave my apartment devasted. sort of. 5 hours of cleaning later its back to its previous condition.

We accomplished a lot. put about 400 miles on my car.. I think. Either way lots of driving.

They got here Wednesday. Had some pizza. Went back to work. That night we had veggie eats at the Spot and drank some scotch at my favorite neighborhood hang.
More work the next day. The boys hit the beach and almost drowned/got sunburned/doused my apartment in sand.
The night began with bowling, in which I scored 157, my california high score. My all time high score being 176 which I threw my junior year of highschool in gym class.
We made our way to Bollini's pizza... which was closing earlier since it was soo slow. we cried. they offered their old pizza. we took it for 10 and and ate and drank wine from the bottle in the parking lot. We hit up a taco truck in west LA right after then went out for a few drinks. The mandrake and barney's. Neither too exciting but just right to catch a buzz and bullshit.

Friday I was off and we went to the Museum of Jurassic Technology. weird. and not that amazing sans miniature sculptures inside the eye of a needle. The maze just confused me and the people that worked there creeped me out. Offering me tea and shit. of course Brendan and Farsh had to accept the offers.
We got lunch, milkshakes and then hit the Getty. Thoroughly impressive as usual. We hit Mulholland drive afterwards and drove down to hollywood. Did we go out that night? We went to the Smell downtown which is a small music venue that hosts small local bands.. shitty bands for the most part but im sure some of it is tolerable. I think we hit an off night. Abandon ship... and hit the Cha Cha lounge in Silverlake.

Saturday... damn a whole nother day!? fuck. We rode bikes to Venice beach.. those on beach cruisers complained. I took the frenchman as usual. The circus craziness of a nice saturday on the venice beach boardwalk was nice to see.
When we made it back we got some pizza, hit the mermaid, the underground, saw lots of drunk hermosa women... = asses hanging out of skirts.. etc...
I think my beard attracts women... cause girls were actually talking to me.. weird. I didnt talk to them though... Too scary. and I have a girlfriend.

Sunday we decided to hit the Geffen MOCA museum, Little Toyko, the normal MOCA, Disney concert hall. Then allll the way to Malibu and Zuma Beach. Hiking ensued. Then bevery hills for cupcakes and back to Hermosa for Thai.

Monday we hung out and hit up the Dodgers game that night. We met up with our old roomie Steph for lunch which was cool. and I had the best veggie chicken sandwich Ive ever had. amazing.

Overall a pretty jam packed and fun weekend. It was good to see everyone. Solemn feelings ensued after their departure. I think I'll make it up to Chicago at some point soon though. free ticket and all.

various images from the weekend on myspace. www.myspace.com/vision850

My Favorite Time of Day

2008-04-19T11:30:00.000-07:00

2008-04-18T16:30:00.000-07:00

Ahh. It's been quite a while old friend. Lots of happened.

I think I might have a girlfriend of some kind.
Yes she's 35. but she's pretty awesome.

I've got my parents here this weekend. I havent seen them in months so its nice having them around.
Last weekend Ben/mike came to visit from chicago. Another action packed weekend. and lo and behold I've got three ole bastards coming to visit me in May.
I'm pretty psyched about this. though since im quite anal Im afraid I might go nuts be time the week is up.
Start planning out amazing things to do. I could have enough bikes by then to have one for everyone but I think Im selling my first fixie and using the money to put together a cool looking beach cruiser. which will still only leave me with 3 bikes. I suppose I could hold off on selling the one till after. but i get excited about things and need to get them done right quick.
We can always rent a bike and split it.

Ive been making good work of my to do lists. this brings me great joy.
tomorrow I'll clean my motorcycle and I think today I'll get things together for the dry cleaners.

I wish god would vacuum all the dust from the world and shoot it into space where it can never land on another coffee table ever again.

The midwest doesnt have dust like california.

hmmm concerts? lets see. I saw the hotel cafe tour. you know the singer songwriter stuff I like because its what I wish I sounded like on guitar.
Oh i saw foo fighters on a whim. I got radiohead tickets for august.
Im growing a beard.
my goal is to have the biggest beard of my life. Hopefully they wont think im converting to islam or some shit like that at work.

my car needs its 20,000 mile service. the dealershit wants 400 bones. though this cool VW only mechanic dude says he can do it for half that. does that void the warrenty?
Do i need a warrenty?

i keep getting Spin magazine in the mail and I never read it. kindling

I bought a new video game called Katamari Damacy. for anyone who has playstation 2 I say look into it hardcore cause its amazing. I cant do drugs. but if i could, Id do them and play this game.
its from japan. and your this little dude sent here from space to rebuild the stars by rolling up anything and everything onto a little sticky ball until it gets huge.
You start by rolling up thumb tacks and the like and then eventually you get to household pets, people, cars, buildings, countrys, continents, plants, solar systems... I think. I havent got that far.

I guess they have it for Xbox 360 too, called Beautiful Katamari... mmm in HD.

My dad said i was getting fat. fuck. i mean I could always lose a few. You know we all wanna look ripped on the beach while spiking the ball in neon green shorts with sweet oakleys and athletic straps.

I finished building the neon devil. There are pictures on myspace and stuff.

My fish Gilbert died. then I got Bobert. then I got Calvin. Calvin died. Bobert rejoiced.

Time to go be productive.
I need a new tattoo

Master Cleanse!

2008-02-18T23:02:00.000-08:00

so im 28 hours in. no solid food. hungry.
stupid lemon, syrup, cayenne water. I havent pooped yet. i heard your supposed to poop all the toxins out. I need to rid my liver of toxins. and poop

Fuckin Hell yea man

2008-02-06T20:49:00.000-08:00

Igor spreads it for anyone

Restless...

2008-01-13T19:19:00.001-08:00

on sundays. Always.

woke up and cleaned. watched rocky balboa. sewed some shirt stuff. went on a bike ride. ate food. rice pudding.
the bike ride was nice. watched the sun set. it took forever. perhaps the slowest sunset I've ever seen. almost became annoyed by how long it took. lingering on that horizon for minutes and minutes and minutes.. hurry up and go down you fucker. I got shit to do.
but I told myself I'd wait. and I did.
I like watching everyone out there by the water. people with their girlfriends or boyfriends. people with their friends. people with their parents.babies. talking. running. biking. sitting. kissing. I like seeing everyone. babies are creepy though.
sometimes i figure if i sat there and did that all day people would think i was creepy.
maybe when i thought people were creepy they were just like me. and thought everyone was just interesting.
then that makes me feel alone a lot. I dont know why. im not necessarily alone. though I dont think I've had any direct human contact for about 36 hours.

i had a fake beef omelet. with chalula. and rice pudding with cinnamon. already said that though.

i watched a movie about john lennon. he was naked a lot in the seventies.
and he was just a dude.
im considering taking a picture of my new t-shirt.

I have to go to the courthouse tomorrow morning to get a court date for a ticket i got. for making an illegal right hand turn. what the fuck is that. hopefully that fuckhead that pulled me over doesnt show up.

it smells like nasty cigarettes. i wanted fresh air and opened the door. neighbor smokes. gross.

i want something to do. but i dont wanna leave my apartment. friends birthday at some bar down here. asked me to stop by. perhaps I will. though its sunday. and sundays are restless.

restless sunday.

I'm Alive!

2008-01-07T23:33:00.000-08:00

more to come later I suppose. I've been quite busy about this stuff. but i shall resume blogging soon.

lazy saturday

2007-10-20T13:04:00.000-07:00

Football and left over indian food.

bicycle is done finally. quite smooth. quite smooth

morrissey saturday night last week. rocked hard.

hungover. headache

more food.

so the government

2007-09-13T18:34:00.000-07:00

just rejected me. I guess they dont trust me with their petty satellite secrets... even though they now know every detail of my damn life. just cause i tried a few things out here and there.

of course alcoholic bob has no trouble getting clearance, or gamblin' joe....

nope cause i took a mushroom here and there im gonna spill all the secrets to the chinese goverment.

whatever. I guess i'll have to reapply in a year and hopefully my "youthful transgressions" will be further in my past then they were this time.

jobs gonna be the same, just cant know certain things still or go to certain meetings.

God doesnt want me to have a girlfriend... that bastard

2007-08-31T17:12:00.000-07:00

So i meet a pretty amazing girl a few weeks ago.
We hang out a couple times. She says its the best first date shes ever had.
She then procedes to get really weird, doesnt make contact, wont write back.

Then I get this gem of a message from her....

"Everytime you write me something I just feel more horrible about the whole thing. Honestly, you are prolly the sweetest, best boyfriend material guy I have ever met. I totally think you are funny, smart, have goals, are attractive, and just an all around classy guy. I wish I was head over heels for you because you would be so good to me, and I really want that, but I just don't feel that chemistry, like the I wanna be with this guy more than anything, or I think about you all the time sort of thing. I get that, we would totally be the best of friends, laugh our heads off, make fun of each other vibe from you. I noticed it a lil after the after effect of the best first date I ever had with you....and so I gave it another shot with the lunch thing. I wanted more than anything to totally realize I was just having my guard up and was afraid to put myself out there, but it just made me realize that I just dont feel that sexual chemistry between us. I felt horrible the whole weekend about it, I cried, I just felt terrible cuz you are seriously so awesome, and it would prolly be enough for us to have a relationship, but I just dont wanna start something that way. I dont wanna force something because thats how it sorta was with my ex-boyfriend of 2 years. We were best friends and I loved him so much we started dating, but it was mostly cuz we were best friends and were together all the time anyways.

I dont know if any of this makes sense to you, Id love to be friends and hang out cuz I truely think you are freakin amaaaaaazing....ask my roomies, they all know. I know it could be wierd or awkward though, so I understand if you would rather not.

Im sorry ive been such a beeoootch about the whole thing, ive just been real stressed lately and I just really wanted thigs to work out between us so much that when I knew it wasnt going to, uugghh, its just I dont wanna be 5 months down the road telling you then that i wasnt really sexually attracted to you ad then it would be worse"

my response... "have i mentioned i have a big weiner?" ... not really though

not sexually attracted to me?? are you serious.. i ooze sex from my crotch in every direction possible.
i mean every girl I know is attracted to me.
women use me for hot sex when theyre on breaks from their "boyfriends" or "husbands"

just kidding..

but still, its like having my balls tied off, them slowly drying out and rotting, and then falling from out of my shorts to the cold hard street.

i really liked this girl... and i think thats why i treated her differently and went a bit slower then I usually do...i was sweet to her! and got her flowers! and took her to dinner! and for punishment she thinks im a wuss..

I guess girls like assholes right? ridiculous.. you cant win either way.

I dont know what to do with this girl... is it something you can reverse? maybe if i do lots of push ups and situps and then walk around with my shirt off a lot?
ridiculous.

Sheesh.. its like a broken record

2007-08-27T20:33:00.001-07:00

every new girl is weirder and lamer then the last.

lunar eclipse tonight. too bad i'll be sleeping.

ive got some weird stomach thing. diaharia and constipation at the same time.

and loneliness.

back to the midwest for a bit

2007-08-11T11:02:00.000-07:00

I find myself missing the west coast a bit. Really I dont know where or what to miss anymore. Do I have a home anymore? what am I coming back to? Columbus in another couple years I feel will no longer bring back feelings of belonging. My parents, bent on moving to new york in 2 years, wont be here. Where do i stay when i come back?
my friends seem too busy with their own lives to barely remember that I'm back in town. Its like I expect them to stop everything and make an effort to make plans with me. welcome me back.
but they've all got their own stuff going on. I guess when youre gone for 9-12 months at a time it happens.

Chicago was good. but i didnt get to see everyone I wanted to see and didnt get that much time with anyone either. Its hard to replicate what takes weeks to accomplish though.

Im constantly inviting people to come visit me in LA and of course everyone says theyre going to come when they get the time/money/will. But when they do I feel other efforts may take priority. or perhaps they dont think im sincere about it. but yea.. i would really like to see people.
Some people I guess never leave where they started. Their families stay, their friends stay. Theyre almost physically attached to a place. a house. a neighborhood.
Some people become attached to another person and seem to forget everyone else.
I havent been attached to anyone in a long time. or i become attached after the fact. Thoughts of, Fuck I blew that one, are pretty common.

I also find myself getting pissed at people who make more money then me despite having little to no education. and then I think what the fuck am I doing. Should I be selling payroll and pull in 120K a year. or perhaps screw people into refinancing theyre homes and get 9K paychecks. Then I remember how god damn lazy I am and that i should feel lucky to be doing what im doing in the first place. and what the hell do i need more money for? to buy more toys. and itll never end anyway. this desire to have lots of things. And that the world is gonna end in 5 years anyway.

I got drunk last night and this morning im hung over.
I think i'd like to be a handy man and fix things with tools. because I really like doing it.
I also like to decorate rooms. and I like to make things. but things dont take two years.

I got new tattoos last week. theyre big
and on my arms
people might take them the wrong way or something and im self conscious about them, but i think after a couple weeks ill have accepted them as a permanent part of my body.
Im gonna buy some microphones and make some recordings on cassette tape. after i finish my bicycle.

I recommend downloading The National - Fake Empire. IF you dont like it ill mail you 99cents. The first two minutes build to an extremely satisfying body nodding experience.
ALong with Coconut Records - West Coast. which you can listen to on my myspace. www.myspace.com/vision850 I thought it fitting for these next couple days.

I miss you, im heading back home to the west coast. but i dont really miss anything. except maybe my apartment. its something ive built sort of with my own earnings and creations.

most of the time i have nothing to say. when i do its nothing and no bodys there to listen anyway. i know im probably better off this way. i just listen to the voices on the tv till im tired. my eyes go heavy and I fade away.

i like those lyrics.

DAFT PUNK...

2007-07-22T03:25:00.000-07:00

puts on the greatest show ive ever seen. If they ever come around.. see them. or else you will die unfulfilled.

i danced for 5 hours straight, dripping sweat, to the greatest electronic stage show on the face of the planet.

frame and fork back from the powdercoaters

2007-07-17T21:34:00.000-07:00

hell yea.. now the real spending begins. god damnit.. its fun though

fork? perhaps?

2007-07-12T23:47:00.000-07:00

hmmm.. this could be it.....

sandblasting and grinding away!!

2007-07-11T20:17:00.000-07:00

ok.. soo ive had it sandblasted, grinded some stuff down, and had a couple experts look at it...
so i think for 10 bucks i got a decent deal. 20 bucks for sandblasting brings it up to 30 total. I have a guy who said he could paint it professionally for like 60 bucks.. and im gonna get some peugeot decals since its most likely a peugeot frame....

probably from the late eighties from what ive been told. but the problem is finding components for it. I need a fork before i get it painted. Where can i get a fork? should i get a new one that fits... or try to find an actual old one.. bleh.

i also flipped the bars on my motorcycle upside down.. which was sorta pointless cept for it looks a little cooler cause theyre a few inches lower...
this leads to discomfort though.

I got bored again....

2007-07-09T19:28:00.001-07:00

So I bought a really old bicycle frame for $10. I believe its a Peugeot. Its also got Campignolo decals on it which I believe were the original components. Either way... it needs some work.
Tomorrow im getting it sandblasted after which I will prime, paint, and clear coat it.

After all that and spending only about $50 bucks total I think I'll have myself a pretty kick ass custom steel frame.

but then i need lots of other parts to actually make a real bike.
fuck.

and i also just broke the screen on my camera!!! fucking shit~!! ass monkey, bitch fucker, god dammit!!!!

I got Bored yesterday so i made this.

2007-07-09T19:26:00.000-07:00

Out of an old t-shirt, foam board, fabric, and iron on letters.

Pretty cool huh?

perhaps i should start selling them.

milk shakes and smoothies.... whats the difference?

2007-06-12T20:22:00.000-07:00

are milkshakes defined as milk based frozen drinks while smoothies are fruit juice based?
what about a fruit and milk based frozen drink??

ive been debating this for a few days.
I went to smoothie place.. and ordered a mocha smoothie... Banana, chocolate, and a coffee base! so is this a fruit or milk? there was also "milk ice" in it.. which was basically ice cream i think. bastards.

im making these amazing drinks for dinner now. Frozen banana, frozen strawberry, a scoop of double churned, a scoop of cocoa powder, a scoop of sugar, and milk until the consistency is correct.

amazing.

also for kicks you can add instant coffee for a "mocha"

i figure having one for dinner everyday instead of actual food will lead to great things.

tomorrow im going to see Hot Chip. friday sage francis is playing.. i may go.. thursday im goin to a local show.. a pretty ok band..

i wanna make out with girls that im totally into. where are they?

its been awhile

2007-05-08T21:29:00.000-07:00

but not in that nue-rock band with the bald singer acoustic dude way.

im tired. been biking everyday about 10 to 20 miles depending on how i feel. not too bad.
doing dishes, cleaning my aquarium, swiffering. I hope one day repetitive chores will learn to do themselves.

im watching this fake david blaine video on you tube over and over and I cant stop laughing.

i love ice cream.

and accomplishing things.

i suck at remembering to call people because im selfish and only think of things I have to do that benefit only me.

i should work on that. along with hiring a butler. room and board.. who wants in?

new bicycle.. hell yea

2007-04-17T23:54:00.000-07:00

I really didnt mean to spend that much on it.
but i like it. Rides well. Looks pretty hardcore... another money pit. fuck.

not bad?

bah.. confidence ruined

2007-04-15T02:04:00.000-07:00

another weekend goes by. fun times with Ben and Chris. saw some former faces that didnt give me the time of day. a bit discouraging. some new faces that faired the same. I guess I dont get it. my apartments a fucking mess. hopefully tomorrow we get cleaned a bit.

I guess its for the best because eventually my time will come right?.. right?

Lets travel back in time.. the year is

2007-04-11T18:36:00.000-07:00

1969.

I found these amaazing photos at work this week. We're moving from one building to another and everyone is cleaning out their offices. Its a big deal here, a lot of people are going from window offices to cubicles in a giant windowless building.

In anycase, someone threw out a giant stack of really old company photos from the sixties and seventies.. lots of shots of old satelites, equipment, parts. It really pretty interesting. The shots are all 8 by 10, pretty good quality prints so i took about 20 of the coolest ones to frame and hang. Its gonna be my sixties mod space themed wall.. Anyway I found this one absolutely amazing photo of a model posing infront of a satelite. Took a picture with my phone.. I know its sucky quality but the original is great.

pretty fuckin cool huh?

a lot of the shots are like this cept no model.. too bad

Another eventful weekend thats left me withered..

2007-04-08T22:51:00.000-07:00

A friend in town is always an excuse to do things a bit out of the ordinary... Like going out on a thursday night and then goin to work the next day at 7. One of my bestest of friends, Neset, came to visit from Dallas this week. Hes one of those financial analyst working 100 hour weeks types. and so took a well deserved break for a few days to relax, get wasted, and make out with girls. I did the best I could to arrange all three.

Friday I worked a half day then we hung out by the beach. took my shirt off in public, horrifying since im a bit chunky around the middle and pale as a turk who lives in a cave. Ate lunch at In and Out burger.. a double double with cheese and well done fries. A real help to my cause. That night we went to Silver lake (LA's indie haven) to see a band called the Thermals. A good show. Lots of cute rocker chickies to remind me how I wouldnt mind finding one to call mine. Justin and Neset make for a pretty good hang. Everyday that goes by I feel myself assimilating a bit more to this whole place.

On a side note im listening to the new Arcade Fire. Pure gold. Inspiring. and perhaps has even moved me to tears at certain points. Though I blame this on the slight feelings of emptiness Ive been feeling lately when it comes to finding a woman who can bowl me over.

After the show we drove back down to Hermosa and had a few drinks at our beloved Barnacles. Pretty hopin. Surprising, but it was a Friday night. Needless to say I was in a bit of a scorned and bitter mood. Expressed through random outbursts of curse words also containing the word Monkey 98% of the time. Dropped Justin off at his place around 230. Got a text from a friend who waitresses at a strip club which threatened to end our friendship if i didnt show up at the club that night. So at 315 Neset and I found ourselves paying 7 bucks for a bottle of water and watching nakie girls dance around a pole. Though my attention was more focused on my friend, who I may have a slight crush on, but really shows no interest in me. I dont get much out of her in general. shes a bit of a mystery to me.
Bed.

Saturday we ran a few errands. My goldfish with fungus died even though I spent more then 20 dollars on medicine. Keep in mind the fish cost me 2.99. Needless to say I got a new one. I like him. He's a bit too fond of nibbling on my plants though. Early in the evening Neset and I began drinking and had a pretty good bonding experience. Talking about life, our lives, stories, girls, and what we've come to realize. When you see a person once every few years these experiences feel good. We went and met my friend Sarah and some her cronies at a bar down on the Pier. Danced. Got wastey.

I had called Justin and told him to come meet us. Needless to say he waited in line for an hour and then left. I can only imagine the frustration. And i felt like a dick face for leaving him out there on his own. But I also didnt wanna leave Neset in there or leave and go to a different bar which normally would have been my game plan. Justin was cool though.

Ended up at my place for the "after party" which consisted of Sarahs gay friend Justin(#2) drinking 8 shots of my vodka and trying to get Neset to remove his shirt. Which after an hour happened anyway. A couple broken glasses. And me being anal about people stepping on my air mattress. I try to be a good host. Slumber party. My apartment can surprisingly sleep 6 without too much trouble.

Woke up.. drove everyone home. Found the mysterious Beard Papa ( www.beardpapa.com ) and had a cream puff. My moms are way better. I miss them. Came home and watched the Masters like real men. Packed up, cleaned up. Fat Burger. i had turkey though... for real.

Tonight I saw the new Will Ferral movie. Not that good for real. I mean. ok. but not laugh out loud good. Maybe it was the 4 hours of sleep.

Solid weekend. Work tomorrow. Ben and Chris coming to visit this coming weekend. Perhaps a repeat with some additions involving better food less laziness and maybe a good hug.

Im getting old enough to be an adult. Im impatient, stubborn, and I cant stand kids, assholes, dick face bad drivers, people who give me dirty looks, and douche bag guys who have girlfriends that seem to love them. I think some physical activity will give me release from the overwhelming urge to punch a lot of people in the face. My new bicycle is coming in the mail tomorrow. I shall have pictures.

Up too late again. Good night all.

A pretty fuckin solid weekend

2007-04-01T23:08:00.000-07:00

Had a pretty damn solid weekend and there's still 38 minutes left.

Friday night i went to a show down in Long Beach, a band called the Mathematicians.. rocked pretty damn hard. I recommend lookin them up if you get the chance...

Saturday was a day of victory.. Ohio State. That night I went up to Venice with my friend Justin, hung out for a bit, got a little wastey, and went to the Troubador for another show, Earl Greyhound.

The drummer from the FOo Fighters was there.. and so was Jean Grey from the X men.. famka jansen or some shit.. she was freaakin hot ha. it ended with a dance party at carter and michis.. fun times.

Today was a long one. Motorcycle ride up to the valley for a bday bbq.. then took mulholland drive which was freakin awesome all the way to the hollywood sign then back down laural canyon road to west hollywood to stop by emilys apartment to say hello.. and then finally down to Culver City for justins bday bbq.. which was amazing. I love being around good people. Hangin. Talkin. seeing people be happy and just enjoy each others company.. good fuckin times.

throat puss!!

2007-03-18T22:11:00.000-07:00

Ok soo these are just links to pictures of my amazing throat... you all should take a look...

the First one includes an amazing close up of my upper lip while the second delves deeper into the abyss.

Let me know what you all think...

http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f299/vision850/porcupine.jpg

http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f299/vision850/throatpuss.jpg

overwhelming sense of blah

2007-03-18T17:08:00.000-07:00

After being ridiculously sick the past week I went to the hospital on saturday. The doctor said its the worst throat hes ever seen. They gave me two shots in my ass, one of hardcore antibiotic cause the stuff i was on wasnt working well, and one of steroids to decrease the swelling.

Surprisingly today I feel like a million times better.

I took all my fish back to the store cause I feel like i want some goldfish instead of lame little fish...
Theres no one to go to the fish store with me to pick new ones out. That makes me feel ridiculously lonely for some reason. I think its cause Ive basically been quarantined for a week and have had zero hug contact which I need a lot of.

On another note, the big ten blew it this weekend.. Illinois, Indiana, Michigin State, Purdue, Wisconsin.... alll blew it.

ok.. well im gonna try to find a couple cool goldfish now.

havent changed much

2007-03-11T22:54:00.000-07:00

so after listening to Michaels clips from the tape I sent him in Spain I realize that though I may have changed a bit in 5 years... my personality is fundamentally the same. I want what I want when I want it. but ehh... Ive learned to deal...

on another note... Ive got some sort of chronic sickness thing. Where i get well enough to go to work during the week then on friday night i crash, get a fever and a sore throat that keeps me in bed. blah.. then I try to get out and do something outside and it gets worse. This has happened the past 3 weekends.. I think im actually gonna see a doctor.

Im also feeling an undeniable urge to find someone i can connect with with and settle down for a bit. Every girl ive met out here starts out cool and then turns into a lamo in a few weeks. I feel like ive got no one to just call up whenever I need a friend just to hang out and hug...

anywhoo... so tired.. eyes burning
i rode my bicycle about 15 miles up to the airport along the beach.. then came home and got a fever
took some medicine, felt better... then went on a long motorcycle ride... then feel crappy again.

i just wanna feel better.

i just wanna find someone i can relate too.

and someone I can hug when I need one.

bleh.. more complaining.

fuckin shit monkey ass bitch

2007-03-01T22:55:00.000-08:00

im a fuckin light weight.. I get drunk off of like two beers and wimp out...

and im always tired. and fat. and lazy

I should probably go to bed...

Malibu, CA

2007-02-19T20:39:00.000-08:00

Friday it was 80 degrees and sunny. I took a half day off work and rode my bike up to Malibu.. enjoy the pictures... try not to drool.

aaand this is across the bay in a place called Palos Verdes.. you can see downtown LA all the way in the distance...

My Woman's Line

2007-02-19T20:35:00.000-08:00

I'll be taking orders... $40 bucks a pop ha

2007-02-19T19:29:00.001-08:00

Hilarity....

from a really old DI, i cut it out and just found it recently

What I see when I come home from work

2007-01-16T18:18:00.000-08:00

Thats the ocean over those apartments....

and this is the glowing blue orb i got at Ikea cause I didnt have anything better to do...

cause its friday night, and the mood is right..

2007-01-05T20:46:00.000-08:00

soo I was in Chicago for new years.. only 1.75 days. Mike did not return my call so i was not able to see my former roomies and such. Jessi from syracuse was mad at me for not talking to her.. i do live in california.. and I had no one to make out with at midnight...

Instead I just did this.

It was almost as fun as making out while extremely drunk.
My friend Laura from chicago now has a boyfriend and also did not return my calls.
My exgirlfriend Kayla also did not pick up call back.
I did not call my exgirlfriend Paige because I knew that would make her just hate me more.

Its friday night.. tough week.. i got my dads old stereo, though forgot to ship the remote. fuck.

Tomorrow Im gonna get one of those ipod hook ups... and also some money on electronics and other crap I could do without.

I got a new motorcycle jacket. I think Ill try to convince some hot babe to go riding with me.

My heater was broken, then fixed, now broken again... I really dont feel like talking to my landlord.

Also I may commence painting a couple of the walls in my apartment.
New front tire for my motorcycle..

watch tv. read magazines.

home for the winter shutdown

2006-12-28T09:05:00.000-08:00

my eyes burn.. not enough sleep... nothing to do during the day cause everyone has what they call Jobs out here. New years in chicago, more burning of the eyes, then home to California... yup home.

I havent done much really.. got a hair cut, got some cologne cause I figured Id start doing that, saw some good friends. Hopefully I get to see more of em..

went to some shity old local bar, was like a highschool reunion. weird.. and jackasses are still jackasses, most of the girls are now fatasses, and others havent changed at all.

got was awoken early by the sound of a vacuum, my parents flew to canada, and ive got the house to myself.. woohoo party time.. not really though.

My to do list includes buying stuff i dont really need. new ducati motorcycle jacket.
http://www.advancedmotorsports.com/store/showitem.aspx?pid=1152

shipping my dads old stereo equipment to california.. further adding to my collection of stuff.

I still need renters insurance.

chinese for lunch.

that is all.

my prayers have been answered...

2006-12-17T21:11:00.000-08:00

http://youtube.com/watch?v=1dmVU08zVpA

though I enjoy Cock in a Box more then Dick in a Box... but still...

All I gotta say is...

2006-12-16T23:59:00.000-08:00

Cock in a Box...

probably the most hilarious thing ive seen on saturday night live in a damn long time.. lets pray this clip makes it to YouTube so those not able to witness it tonight can re-live the hilarity...

I couldnt feel any pooeyer

2006-12-14T21:48:00.000-08:00

Seriously.. and no ones around to take care of me and give me medicine... my stomach hurts, im pooping uncontrollably, i have a fever, im cold, im sweating, and i had to leave work early ... I feel like a fuckin wuss. Im weak.

and alone...

and cold...
and i have no medicine
and i too weak to get up...

and my entire body is sore.. and throbing..

fuckin shit monkey

finally my apartment...

2006-12-06T21:16:00.000-08:00

Hope these pictures arent too huge, but this is my apartment...

The Living Room

Ze Kitchen

The Shitter

The Bedroom

and finally the view from my living room...

shake and bake

2006-12-06T21:15:00.000-08:00

So i experienced my first California earthquake on monday morning at 630.. woke me up.. shook me up.. a bit.

it was a 2.7.. nothing major and sorta fun. but still quite weird.

i just realized

2006-12-01T18:55:00.000-08:00

I lived in a hotel for 39 straight days...

It really didnt feel that long. but when you think about it. its almost forever.

Im still working on the whole friends thing. Coming home to an empty apartment every night sorta gets old. To amplify the situation I cant get my furnace to work so its like 59 degrees in here. Cold aggravates the lonely ya know.

so my apartment has two personalities.. my living room is my ultra hip minimilist post modern cold side.. while my bedroom is my full of my stuff, corners exploding and messy side. its a good balance.. yuppie..

on a side note, my neighbor either masterbates or has sex at elevated volumes in the evenings after work. I think her bedroom is through the wall of my living room. I think the next time I hear such activities I will wait till she is almost at climax and then go knock on her door to introduce myself. Maybe shes cute... if shes not I might get grossed out.. maybe its best I dont see what she looks like.

a couple of my neighbors are quite friendly.. the others I dont see much. I feel like they should all come to my door and say hello, perhaps throw a party for me.

Im still working on things, but when im done I promise I shall take and post some photos of the place.

Hanging pictures sort of makes me forget Im alone.

Thanksgiving Run Down

2006-11-26T21:55:00.000-08:00

The meat of it is over. I have posted in a looong time but thats because my family has been here for 5 days. Coming to visit for Thanksgiving and all that. busy busy busy

Thursday we spent the day exploring west hollywood, hollywood, beverly hills.. etc.. Had thanksgiving dinner in santa monica at a french restaurant.. dont ask. Though the food was decent.

Friday was for errands, while my parents spent the day driving down the coast toward San Diego.
I activated the utilities, cable, internt.. blah blah

we went to dinner at this place called Spago.. supposedly a big hot spot. I saw Hillary Swank on Rodeo drive.. celebrity spotting number 1.
The food was damn amazing though. Saturday was shopping day.. fuckin sucked walking around that much..

I saw Alanis Morrisette and Ryan Reynolds... they both ride ducatis.. fuckers.

we also so Nikki Hilton, her ass is bigger then expected.

Im worn out.. today and tomorrow.. moving in... hopefully..

will update with pictures soon.

The California Experiment - Day 25

2006-11-14T20:36:00.000-08:00

I just binged on chocolate chip cookies and carrot cake muffins. and milk.
for dinner I had frozen chicken flautas in a red cream sauce.

I bought an airline ticket to Chicago for Dec. 3oth. I shall be there for New Years festivities. Hopefully not 20 pounds fatter due to my hotel habits.

6 days till my potential move in. That will bring about some excitement. Along with the arrival of my family for Thanksgiving... and our potential french food for thanksgiving experience thanks to dad. yikes.

Im considering becoming one of those thrower-upper people.. but only for those times when I wanna eat a dozen donuts with chocolate milk.. I mean. Think about it. Its really not that bad If its only for recreational purposes. Why deprive myself of the joy of donuts all because Im affraid of clogging my arteries and getting wider around the middle. I guess it might take some getting used to.

So Ive gotta come up with a strategy to make some male friends. with out gayness.

I could go places where dudes hang out... like motorcycle clubs.

mine is thick like a can of pepsi

Yea.. its Friday Night in LA

2006-11-10T21:37:00.000-08:00

and im shopping for microwaves and car insurance online. ...

maybe Ill go to Barnes and Nobles and be one of those guys... at Barnes and Nobles on a Friday night...

yup... or i could drive by the bars and look at the people going out with their friends...

a lull in the storm

2006-11-09T20:08:00.000-08:00

I just got a haircut cause I was bored...

yea.. i know. Its right down the street from my future apartment so I thought itd be worth a try.

Theres nothing to do till I move into my apartment... and that doesnt happen for another 12 days.
Then I can register my vehicles, change my address, etc.. etc... and buy more furniture.. maybe a tv... nothing till then...

time to eat more frozen pad thai on the couch

hunting for a home

2006-11-02T21:20:00.000-08:00

finding an apartment sucks balls... Especially when rent is more then my parents mortgage.. for a cramped one bedroom.

I found one that I like... and applied for it. $1500 a month.. a few blocks from the beach though... but 2 other people also saw it before me... fuck.. Im crossing my fingers that I get the place. I wrote the landlord a nice note along with the application stressing my job stability and overwhelming awesomeness. Hopefully he buys it. I really wanna rid myself of this stress. So i can take on the stress of other things.. such as insurace, car payments, finding a shoe repair place, a dentist, a doctor, and a haircut place...

i went grocery shopping.. bought lots of frozen products from trader joes.. that I eat alone on my hotel couch watching basic cable, dim light illumating my giant pile of rental listings, benefit packets, thesis notes, and used napkins.

I dressed as edward again. went to a party in a hotel ballroom. It was pretty ok..
getting to know my way around out here. I should meet some more people. I share an office with a pretty cool guy. He said we should go out sometime and grab a beer so that might be cool.

I figure things will go up from here.

dead man walking

2006-10-20T07:50:00.000-07:00

Yes... its almost time. My flight out is about 24 hours away. Everything I own is in boxes and soon to be on the back of a truck, criss-crossing across America until it makes it way California.
Goodbye Midwest.

I dont really feel as though Im leaving though. Im not excited. Im not really that nervous anymore. Its just another day, making to do lists, being lazy, procrastinating, eating too much crap, and watching the seconds tic by.

Ive got all this damn paperwork to fill out, like seriously a books worth, to get security clearance.
I got a couple new shirts and ties... I guess I'll try not to get too lazy and look spiffy at work.

Work is good, learning new things is good, california is good, my apartment will hopefully be good. My rent check.... will not be good.

I wish they all could be California giiiiiirls... will be good.

I almost cried at dinner tonight. I guess it sorta hit me. Im one of those people that just might explode at any given moment. Hormonal I guess.

My mom is being ridiculous and trying to get me ever kitchen appliance that every existed. I now have a hand mixer, a cake mixer, a food processor, and a blender. All of which, in my mind, do the exact same thing. When the fuck am I gonna bake a cake. Seriously

Initiation

2006-10-11T19:53:00.000-07:00

My first post... Im in Ohio... bored...
Im moving in a week. This makes me quite anxious.