back to the midwest for a bit

I find myself missing the west coast a bit. Really I dont know where or what to miss anymore. Do I have a home anymore? what am I coming back to? Columbus in another couple years I feel will no longer bring back feelings of belonging. My parents, bent on moving to new york in 2 years, wont be here. Where do i stay when i come back?
my friends seem too busy with their own lives to barely remember that I'm back in town. Its like I expect them to stop everything and make an effort to make plans with me. welcome me back.
but they've all got their own stuff going on. I guess when youre gone for 9-12 months at a time it happens.

Chicago was good. but i didnt get to see everyone I wanted to see and didnt get that much time with anyone either. Its hard to replicate what takes weeks to accomplish though.

Im constantly inviting people to come visit me in LA and of course everyone says theyre going to come when they get the time/money/will. But when they do I feel other efforts may take priority. or perhaps they dont think im sincere about it. but yea.. i would really like to see people.
Some people I guess never leave where they started. Their families stay, their friends stay. Theyre almost physically attached to a place. a house. a neighborhood.
Some people become attached to another person and seem to forget everyone else.
I havent been attached to anyone in a long time. or i become attached after the fact. Thoughts of, Fuck I blew that one, are pretty common.

I also find myself getting pissed at people who make more money then me despite having little to no education. and then I think what the fuck am I doing. Should I be selling payroll and pull in 120K a year. or perhaps screw people into refinancing theyre homes and get 9K paychecks. Then I remember how god damn lazy I am and that i should feel lucky to be doing what im doing in the first place. and what the hell do i need more money for? to buy more toys. and itll never end anyway. this desire to have lots of things. And that the world is gonna end in 5 years anyway.

I got drunk last night and this morning im hung over.
I think i'd like to be a handy man and fix things with tools. because I really like doing it.
I also like to decorate rooms. and I like to make things. but things dont take two years.

I got new tattoos last week. theyre big
and on my arms
people might take them the wrong way or something and im self conscious about them, but i think after a couple weeks ill have accepted them as a permanent part of my body.
Im gonna buy some microphones and make some recordings on cassette tape. after i finish my bicycle.

I recommend downloading The National - Fake Empire. IF you dont like it ill mail you 99cents. The first two minutes build to an extremely satisfying body nodding experience.
ALong with Coconut Records - West Coast. which you can listen to on my myspace. www.myspace.com/vision850 I thought it fitting for these next couple days.

I miss you, im heading back home to the west coast. but i dont really miss anything. except maybe my apartment. its something ive built sort of with my own earnings and creations.

most of the time i have nothing to say. when i do its nothing and no bodys there to listen anyway. i know im probably better off this way. i just listen to the voices on the tv till im tired. my eyes go heavy and I fade away.

i like those lyrics.