Monday, October 26, 2009

disappointed in disappointment


I've been sort of blah lately. I thought it was me.
Then I started thinking about it, and realized that I'm actually blah because of the people in my life disappointing me.
So I've got to change my policy. I can no longer expect anything from anyone.

I mean, yes, of course there are a select few I love and care about who do not disappoint me.
and I have good friends.
It's more the acquaintances from everyday life that are the problem.
It's a selfish world out there I suppose. Especially with people our age. Cutthroat. Everyone thinking only of themselves.

A lot of models are flaky assholes. A lot of people talk a lot of talk but follow up with no action.

People need to follow words with actions, motivation with results.

Like me.
I'm a machine.
like man's best friend
This is Louie
He's a dog.

Saturday, October 17, 2009



Thursday, October 15, 2009

Birth. Day. Birff Day. Barf Day... Barf

Another one is here... Hoorayy...

I spent most of the day sitting in the dark back room of my lab at work taking electrical resistivity measurements on flat pieces of astroquartz listening to the squeeky drone of the overhead chemical hood fans while shivering in the environmentally controlled 68 degree F and 12% relative humidity.
At least I'm employed.

Well besides that I've been lamenting my defeat at the hands of a most likely better looking, more successful, funnier, taller, skinnier, cooler, sexier, and larger penised male.

The wild animal referenced below, whom I thought I'd been dating for a few months apparently was dating someone else the entire time. gross.
It supposedly took her this long to decide which one of us she preferred.
With me of course ending up on the short end of the stick. Whats new?

I feel like its these experiences which have pushed me into the emotional black hole most women accuse me of residing in.

Everytime I go out on a limb and decided I may have feelings worth commiting to, the same shit seems to rain down.
Or perhaps I always see it coming and open up knowing that I'm safe cause it'll never come to fruition.... hmmm.

But yes, of course I saw it coming!
In three months, I never met any of her friends, never saw where she lived, was refused facebook friendship, never really went out unless it was local to my area even though she lived in west hollywood.
Obvious signs of being the "the other guy", the second fiddle, the opposite of her bottom bitch.

Even after she finally admitted it she wanted to stay friends. cause she really 'cared' about me and thought i was 'awesome' and that our timing was simply off. riiiight.
so what, if we met at a different time after you already found out this other guy is a douche, then you'd choose me? Yikes.
Worst excuse ever.

Well instead of dragging myself through the same mud over and over if we were to attempt friendship I simply cut it off. clean and simple. I don't need to deal with bullshit nor do I deserve it. I don't need to stay in constant limbo, never trusting someone I consider myself close to.

She can go fuck herself.
And the other dude who's timing was I guess exactly on. Well I'm sure she's already got that taken care of.

I was surprised at myself for staying so calm through that final conversation. I think because I knew eventually she'd regret whatever choice she made. and that made me feel warm and fuzzy. a bad thing?
Besides, I can use the extra time to take more pictures of hot chicks on bicycles...
but anyhow we've decided to cut all contact since she's so tempted to talk to me all the time. I told her to concentrate on doing this other guy and let me be.
No more AIM, BBM, phone, etc etc. deletion from memory, but hopefully not me from hers. Everlasting torment is probably wishful thinking, but a guy can hope hah.

My mom and sister are here visiting for the weekend... An invading army in my apartment, with giant duffle bags full of clutter as weapons. I've pushed the inner clean freak deep within, though I have a feeling he may emerge quite soon and wreak havoc in the next 4 days.

i have no idea what to be for halloween. need something new I think, something symbolic of my new found oldness. Mr. Rogers? too creepy. I think i want something to hide in. A big box. A camera. and I'll 'flash' people. Maybe I'll just wear a full body spandex suit and call it a night.

I threw myself a birthday party sorta. well tomorrow. a movie. 5th grade style, cept with booze instead of a batman cake. and Where the Wild Things Are instead of the Mighty Ducks.

Yea pretty lame, but I think the age of people surprising you or throwing big parties has come and gone. or just gone. too much hoopla for something that should be simple. A day to say hi to everyone you enjoy. or at least the ones in close proximity.

I always wanted a girlfriend on halloween. Dress up in ridiculous costumes. get all drunky and have hot costumey make out sessions. Its fun to escape reality every now and again.

Ehh, I'll give it another go next year I suppose.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

This is my new best friend....

Worried Walter the Frisky Fox


Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Best friends and Birthday Plans

Had a wonderfully long weekend with my best friend from high school coming to visit me here in LA.
Going out 3 nights in a row is something I can officially is in my past.
Is 27 really that old. I suppose in 9 days it will be.
10 year highschool reunion coming up in May. Are you fucking kidding me?
eh. I guess it happens to everybody.

So Thursday Ben and I go out down here in Hermosa. Along with some chick he used to date in college who has since joined the leagues of wannabe actresses here in Hollywood.
A few bars, more than a few drinks, and I'm serenaded to the sounds copulation on my couch till 4:30 in the morning.
This girl really had some chops. serious chops. Doing it for a living chops.
Who am I to judge?
yea... I'm jealous.
Seriously I haven't had a proper make out session in months.
I blame it on keeping myself busy with all my hobbies. well new hobbies.
women used to be a hobby, but I suppose I may have moved past that stage of life.
Who am I kidding...I've just gotten lazy in my old age.

Friday we had another good friend come up from Huntington beach for a visit to the Hermosa farmer's market and a nice bike ride on the beach. I bought a finger puppet at the farmers market. A sad little fox I name Worried Walter. He becomes my new best friend.
The previously mentioned wild animal also attended and just made me sad. Its hard when someone you care about doesn't feel the same but then expects a friendship to be completely normal.
Ben saw her nipple. serves her right for wearing a low dress on a bike ride.
I'm now jealous of Ben twice in 12 hours.

That night we went out in Santa Monica with one of Ben's friends from Chicago. Good kid.
Serious girlfriend. Nice apartment. Cab ride to the bars. Drinks. Wondering.
Not impressed with the Santa Monica scene. too sterile and generic I think.
and not enough attractive women for me to not talk to.

Saturday morning I get my ass kicked at tennis and the we head to a sweet pool party in Burbank thanks to my good friend Em.
Always a good time, but today even more because of the Washoo's tournament we enter.
basically there's a small box with a coffee can in the middle. you throw washers at it. score points. face-off.
18 teams. we got 5th place! our prize was an amazing bag of coffee which I stored in the front pooch of my swim trunks for the rest of the night.
We headed to Hollywood that night to go out with our friend Olsen from highschool.
4 bars. saw some extremely attractive hollywood whores, a couple D-list celebs, and got free cigarettes from Camel reps while listening to the Piano man.
mmm Turkish Gold, so smooth.
My clothes smelled of smoke for the first time since college.

Sunday we faked surfing in Huntington beach with a friend of Ben's who lives in Hermosa.
He offered to get me in to the Playboy mansion halloween party.... for a cool $1000.
are you serious? for one night? just to not talk to extremely attractive playboy whores?
i mean we all love women in body paint but I think i'll take my $1000 and buy a new lens and a tripod or something.

speaking of which. I bought my new camera! a Canon 7D. I'm still working on it. need the new lens as I only have a 50mm prime.
so far it takes good photos. and I'm much more impressive when pretending to be a photographer.

the flickr page got 50,000 views in one day last week. theFiXFiXFiX seems to be on a roll thanks to bikesnobnyc.blogspot.
I always get a ton of views when he posts one of my photos.
I also got an email from Australia from some dude who wants to use some of my photos for a bicycle film festival. I'll post when it happens.

Need sleep. need to edit photos. need to clean.